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The Monogamy Continuum
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Learn guidelines for helping couples understand, define, and negotiate the personal boundaries of fidelity and betrayal. We’ll explore how to:
- Distinguish between implicit and explicit agreements about fidelity
- Negotiate clear rules for porn, use of social media, and nonsexual but intimate relationships (i.e., "emotional affairs")
- Understand the issues that can arise when working with nontraditional couples, such as those in open and polyamorous relationships
- Distinguish the role of privacy vs. secrecy in relationships
- Help clients end affairs with mutual respect and integrity
OBJECTIVES
- Describe the difference between explicit and implicit monogamy, and why it’s important that partners discuss their definitions of monogamy with each other.
OUTLINE
- Describe the difference between explicit and implicit monogamy, and why it’s important that partners discuss their definitions of monogamy with each other.
- Explicit monogamy is defined as the sort of promises that a couple made at the alter under the guises of what their religion, culture, parents, or community says
- Implicit monogamy is the assumption about how couples actually define monogamy in practice
- It is important for partners to discuss their definitions of monogamy together so that future problems can be prevented and to keep intimate communication going
- Partners should discuss their definitions of monogamy to work together to create healthy boundaries for their thoughts and behaviors
- Identify the three traits that are characteristic of infidelity.
- There is a relationship occurring outside of the marriage
- There is a different kind of sexual experience than typically occurs within the marriage
- There is dishonesty between partners
- Discuss the concept of “split parts” in men and explain how integrating these parts can be beneficial to their relationships.
- Men should bring the many aspects of their life-work, romantic, and fantasy included-into conversations with their partner
- Men have a tendency to compartmentalize aspects of their life
- Men will often feel relieved to know a safe space has been established where they can address topics they were initially afraid to share
- A man’s partner can be a more informed ally in helping the man work toward goals and through problems and insecurities when integration is achieved
Richard Simon, Ph.D.
Richard Simon, PhD, was a clinical psychologist and the late editor of Psychotherapy Networker, the most topical, timely, and widely read publication in the psychotherapy field. During his career, he received every major magazine industry honor, including the National Magazine Award.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Rich Simon is the President of Psychotherapy Networker, Inc. and the editor of Psychotherapy Networker magazine. He is a published author and receives royalties. He has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Rich Simon has no relevant non-financial relationships.
Tammy Nelson, PhD
Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., is an internationally acclaimed psychotherapist, Board Certified Sexologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. She has been a therapist for almost 30 years and is the executive director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute. She started the institute to develop courses for psychotherapists as the need grew for certified, integrated postgraduate sex and couple’s therapists in a growing field of mental health consumers who need more complex interventions for their relationship needs.
Dr. Tammy is a TEDx speaker, Psychotherapy Networker Symposium speaker and the author of several books, including Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together (Quiver, 2008) and the best-selling The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity (New Harbinger, 2013), as well as When You’re the One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need to Know (RL Publishing Corp., 2019) and the upcoming Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy (PESI, 2020).
She has been a featured expert in New York Times Magazine, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Rolling Stone magazine, TIME Magazine, Redbook, Glamour, The Sun, and The London Times. She is the host of a popular podcast on iTunes, “The Trouble with Sex”, and writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango, ThriveGlobal, and medium.com. Dr. Tammy can be followed on her blog, www.drtammynelson.com/blog.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Dr. Tammy Nelson maintains a private practice and is executive director and primary faculty at Integrated Sex Therapy Training Institute (ISTI) and has an employment relationship with Daybreak University. She receives a speaking honorarium and recording royalties from PESI, Inc., and she additionally receives royalties from New Harbinger and Sounds True. She is a paid consultant for Evergreen Certifications. Dr. Nelson has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Dr. Tammy Nelson serves on the board of advisors for the World Association of Sex Coaches. She is a member of the American Art Therapy Association, American Association of Sex Educators, Sex Counselors, and Sex Therapists (AASECT), American Comprehensive Energy Psychology Association (ACEP), American Counseling Association, American Family Therapy Academy, American Family Therapy Association (AFTA), American Psychological, Association (APA), Big Tent Ketamine group (BTK), Connecticut Counselors, Imago Relationships International Association of Professional and Certified Therapists, International Board of Sexologists, International Institute for Sexuality and Human Development, Nonfiction Authors Association, Society Scientific Study Sexuality (SSSS), and the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR).
