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The New Rules of Love: How Couples Are Reinventing Marriage
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Explore the cultural shifts that are shaping relationships today and master new approaches for working effectively with contemporary couples. You’ll learn:
- How different generations view couplehood, divorce, and traditional marriage
- About the search for a more differentiated identity within intimate partnership and the advent of the "capstone marriage"
- Strategies to help couples bring more spontaneity, playfulness, and eroticism into their relationship
- How to help couples honor relationships even when they’re ending
- Why creating multiple attachments is a key ingredient in successful marriages
OBJECTIVES
- Explain the premise of today’s “capstone marriage” and how it differs from marriage arrangements in previous generations.
OUTLINE
- Explain the premise of today’s “capstone marriage” and how it differs from marriage arrangements in previous generations.
- Partners enter relationships as self-sufficient and with their own fully-formed identities Partners’ pre-formed identities are harmonious, but still differentiated
- In traditional marriage, partners pursued goals together, without having arrived at a state of self-sufficiency
- Partners used to get married earlier in life; with the capstone marriage, they’re waiting
- Discuss the new divorce rate trends in the Boomer generation.
- Partners used to date because they were unhappy; today, they divorce because they feel they could be happier
- Partners consider divorce when their needs are not being met, approaching relationships as a costs vs. benefits scenario
- Divorce is a more acceptable concept for Boomers today than a decade ago. One-third of Boomers are either now divorced, widowed, or never married
- Boomers don’t consider age a hindrance to divorce. Even as seniors, they see purpose in divorce
- Identify why community networks are important to the health and survival of relationships.
- In gay and lesbian relationships, mother or father figures are brought in where there wasn’t one previously (for instance, two gay men may have an aunt fulfill a motherly role)
- Communities can give a relationship structural support. Rural areas experience a higher divorce rate than more heavily populated ones.
- People have a need to develop platonic attachments to others in order to find overall satisfaction in their social life
- Putting emphasis on one person as an outlet for social fulfillment can drain a relationship
Richard Simon, Ph.D.
Richard Simon, PhD, was a clinical psychologist and the late editor of Psychotherapy Networker, the most topical, timely, and widely read publication in the psychotherapy field. During his career, he received every major magazine industry honor, including the National Magazine Award.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Rich Simon is the President of Psychotherapy Networker, Inc. and the editor of Psychotherapy Networker magazine. He is a published author and receives royalties. He has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Rich Simon has no relevant non-financial relationships.
Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, Private Practice
Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist of Polish-Jewish descent who has explored the tension between the need for security (love, belonging, and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure, and distance) in human relationships.
Perel promoted the concept of “erotic intelligence” in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, which has been translated into 24 languages. After publishing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships. She gave a TED talk in February 2013 called “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship,” and another in March 2015 called “Rethinking infidelity… a talk for anyone who has ever loved.”
Perel is the host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?”, which is based inside her therapist’s office as she sees anonymous couples in search of insight into topics such as infidelity, sexlessness and grief.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Esther Perel maintains a private practice. She has employment relationships with Columbia University, Ackerman Institute for the Family, Norwegian Institute for the Expressive Arts Therapies, and 92nd Street Y. She receives royalties as a published author. Esther Perel receives a speaking honorarium and recording royalties from Psychotherapy Networker and PESI, Inc. She has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Esther Perel is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy and the American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
